Time Revisited

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow,

and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace

from day to day."William Shakespeare

The older I get, the more I realize how fleeting life is. When I was younger it seemed that time couldn't move fast enough. I was always in a hurry "to get there" -- to grow up, to finish school, to get married, to buy that first house... Now, I find that time moves so quickly that I cannot seem to hold on to any one moment, like sand sifting through my fingers. I have often told myself, "I must remember this moment," only to find that the moment becomes buried and lost in time.

Not long ago I changed my last diaper. You would think that after fifteen years and more than 27,375 diapers (and yes, I actually did the math), this would be a momentous occasion. In truth it was quite the opposite -- rather anti-climatic and a little bit sad. Within that instant I suddenly realized that there were moments that would never come again. Call me sentimental, but the realization that no more diapers meant no more babies touched something deep within me.


And then this last week I sent my fourth Kindergartener off to school. I have never been one to shed a tear during this rite of passage. Although I love being a mom, the first day of Kindergarten has always been a joyous occasion as I wave goodbye to the bus and happily anticipate more time for myself.

This time, however, as I watched the bus drive away I felt a bit of emptiness. I looked at my three-year-old (the last one left at home) with his sticky hands and insistent cries of, “Play with me, mommy!” and thought about the moments that were slipping by way too fast.

All of a sudden the plans I had made for myself this year -- my time to finish that masters degree, my time to work on the career put on hold for so many years, my time to "rediscover myself" and "begin where I left off" -- all those plans suddenly seemed so unimportant.

I found myself frantically searching for more time. More time to read just one more story… More time to cuddle with kids in bed… More time to listen to the detailed step-by-step account of my teenager’s day… More time to laugh with Mr. V… More time for all those things that for so long I wished would just "hurry up and happen".

And, although I know that I can never turn back the hours (and I'm not sure I would even try), I have come to realize that I must always remember to savor the moments before they disappear in time.