Turning Away

** It has been some time since I last wrote. Somehow five kids and a full-time job leave little time for such things as writing…

"FACT IS, we can't fully be at home and fully at work at the same time -- not even if work is in the next room. Work and life don't overlap so much as they collide or intersect -- leaving us to sit in our ergonomically correct swivel chairs and pivot between the two. And each time we turn toward one, we are, in that moment, turning away from the other."

From Life's Work: Confessions of an Unbalanced Mom by Lisa Belkin


5:00 a.m. -- I have been up several hours in the night with a sick child. As I lay awake I wonder, “Is he too sick for daycare?”

I make the phone call and send the e-mails – I won’t be in today. Classes are cancelled. Teachers are notified.

I climb back in bed. My three-year-old feels comfortingly warm and he relaxes as I pull him close. His coughing stops and soon he is fast asleep. On my list of favorites is snuggling with this child under warm covers. This is as much for me as it is for him.

6:30 a.m. -- I wake the other children and make breakfast -- scrambled eggs, whole wheat cereal, and Mexican Chocolate. This is something I haven’t done in quite awhile as mornings are usually rushed, but today I am home.

I find the lost shoe, listen to an account of yesterday’s activities, read a scripture story, kiss each child as they go out the door, and cherish a moment of unhurried conversation with my husband. And then I climb back in bed to snuggle a little while longer.

It is not that I am lazy or am a slacker. I quite enjoy my job, and I find it extremely fulfilling. For me there is an undeniable thrill in the challenge of teaching. The moment that a connection is made and the student finally understands certainly brings a rush. I feed off of those moments.

I love the planning and the preparation. I love the adult interactions and the educated conversations. I love the trainings, the title, the instant feedback, and the paycheck -- and oh how I have missed them over the years… but I also love to snuggle in the early morning hours, and make breakfast, and take time to listen before the day begins.

There are some who say you can do it all, but my life experience warns me otherwise. It is true you can do many things, but you will soon find that you cannot do any one thing well. In turning toward one you will always turn away from another.

I know there are many women who do it, and oftentimes circumstances require it. In this moment, however, I have a choice.

And so I must contemplate which way I will turn. And I must remember that most times the choice is not between good and bad, but between two equally noble causes.